"Here's yesterday's mail and the paper. And you got another book." Jim had just taken the trash up to the street and collected what had been left in the mailbox overnight. He put the mail down on the sofa before he left for work. I felt a twinge of guilt as I picked up the Amazon box. I have been buying a lot of books lately. Used, but still a lot of books. As I opened the package, I thought "It's a good thing he didn't see that it was two books."
I have felt the need to hear from others as I am moving out on this personal journey of mine. I need teachers, ones who have given more thought to this matter of growth than I have lately. The books in the box are new additions to my growth library.
The first book in my new library actually came earlier - on the very first day of my 100 day journey. It was a very unexpected gift from an old/new friend of mine, Anne Thompson. Anne and I had worked together years ago when I was in private practice. Anne lives in Memphis, and, even though I never met her face to face, we talked often about different client needs, and she had been an invaluable resource. I enjoyed interacting with her so much that I had actually carried her business card around with me for 17 years. This past January, I pulled that card from my wallet and called her to say hello. We hit it off immediately again, and our friendship has grown tremendously this year. For some reason, Anne sent me a gift - the book, Jesus Calling. I had never heard of it. Within the last week, that book has impacted me profoundly and I know I will refer to it often as I move through these 100 days. But, back to today...
The book I pulled out first and started reading immediately was one thousand gifts. A friend of mine, who knows me well, had recommended it - mostly because I have been dealing with a lot of unresolved anger over the last several years. As I opened it and began to read the first chapter, a phrase I have heard often in the last few years came to mind "When the student is ready, the master appears." Suddenly, as I think about Jesus Calling and this book, I sense that maybe this student is ready, because the Master seems to have appeared.
Ann Voskamp shares some very tragic stories in the first chapter. "One life-loss can infect the whole of life." If one loss can do that, what if there are many? What if I am not in agreement with the way God decides to do things? If one life-loss can infect a life, what happens when you are carrying around a gut-full of infection? I am tracking with this woman.
HOW CAN YOU JUDGE?
Earlier this morning, Jim and I had been talking about one of the readings in Jesus Calling. We were talking about how we truly know anything. He remembered a story from Max Lucado about a farmer who refused to judge the events of his life, while all of the villagers were quick to tell him if some circumstance was a curse or a blessing. He kept trying to tell them not to judge good or bad by a single event. "Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is a fragment! No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don't."
Ann Voskamp, in her first chapter, opens the door for exploring this whole issue of judging the moment - especially the negative judgements that we are all prone to since the beginning of history. As Ann describes having her paradigm of distrust challenged, she eludes to the story of the Israelites in the wilderness. "For forty long years, God's people daily eat manna - a substance whose name literally means 'What is it?' More than 14,600 days they take their daily nourishment from what they don't comprehend. They find soul-filling in the inexplicable. They eat the mystery."
For a long time, I have been blocked from looking ahead because I am too busy judging the past. I have chosen to believe my assessment of events is accurate. I have carried around this gutful of poison for quite a while. Maybe I need to detox by eating the mystery, even if I don't know exactly what it is.
I believe this student might be ready to stop knowing it all and to start listening and learning some new things. While I am still skeptical, I believe the Master has arrived - both personally, and with a host of his servants via Amazon.
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