When each of my children was born, there was a very real, but invisible thread that tied my heart to my children. Not just with love, but with a sense of proximity.
When children are small, a mother is ALWAYS aware of where the child is. Just like we know where our feet or our hands are at any given moment, we have that same internal radar that maintains a thread of connection to where they are at all times. One is napping, one is playing in the yard, another is over at a friend's house. They may be out of sight, but a mom is still connected to them.
All our children are grown now. They live in various places around the world. One in Germany, one in Vermont, two in California and one here in Birmingham. Last week, we were able to go up to Vermont and see our son, Ryan and his wife for the first time since they have been living there. They showed us all around their town, showed us the places where they worked and the favorite restaurants they visit. Now, when we think of Ryan and Celeste, we have a better sense of where they are at any given time. We are more connected.
Also this week, our daughter Megan, who lives in Germany, flew to California to babysit for her niece and nephew while her sister, Katie, and her husband went on an anniversary trip. Megan, who usually lives across "the Pond" was on the same continent with us. Even though she was on the California coast, all this week, there was a sense in me that she was here, that she was home. It was good.
And today, our youngest son, Dave, who also lives in California, had to go to the ER because of an infection in his hand. He had had some relatively minor surgery a few weeks back that had not healed as it should, so he was in great pain, had a lot of swelling and had to drive himself to the ER.
I had just gotten to Colliers to work for the day when my husband let me know Dave was headed to the hospital. That thread of connection was very obvious all day long. I was texting Jim to find out if he had heard any news. I was encouraged when I heard that Katie and Meg had gone to the hospital to pick him up after he had had to have a second surgery today. I was so grateful that the three of them were together when Dave, who is single, was needing extra help and care. Honestly, if Katie did not live out there near Dave, I would have been on a plane to go help him. I really wanted a much shorter cord to the situation.
On top of that, Megan is headed back to Germany right now. In fact, she is sitting at LAX as I write, waiting to board the plane that will take her back. As crazy as it sounds, I feel the cord that connects me to Meg being stretched once again. I feel the tension of my mother cord being pulled hard.
They may all be grown and gone and building their own lives, but the heart-proximity cord that bonded me to them at the very moment that that umbilical cord was cut, is just as real and just as present as it was in that delivery room; as it was when they played at a friend's house; as it was when they started driving; as it was when they left for college or moved to their first new home of their own.
I have three grandchildren whom I love dearly, but my attachment to them will probably never be as intrinsic and powerful as the connection between me and my own babies.
Tonight, I feel stretched a little tighter. A part of me is at Katie's house, thinking of her caring for her own two children, her husband, and her brother, who will be with her for a few days. A part of me is at a gate at LAX, aware that my daughter is flying further away again. A part of me is thinking of my Vermont son who will be celebrating his birthday this week doing complex surgical procedures on his patients. And a part of me is here in Birmingham, thinking of my son, his wife and their two month old, as he is starting his own business in challenging financial times.
It really doesn't matter what I do with the next forty years when I compare it to the person I have already grown to be because of these five children. I have been stretched farther than I ever thought possible; and, no matter how far they go, my heart connection to them will never be severed. And, I am quite confident, that I will continue to be stretched to new limits in the future, because that precious cord of love knows no bounds.
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