How Do I Change?

Monday morning, I was really frustrated with myself.  Ever since I started this blog, I have been paying more attention to my behaviors and actions.  My overall assessment is that I fall back into old patterns too much.  I say I am going to do something, but I don't follow through.  I go on a diet, and I am off of it within days.  I promise myself I will limit computer time, and I am right back at it in no time.  No matter what my resolves in the quiet of the morning, by the end of the day, I have fallen back into lazy behaviors.

I ended up writing in my journal that I felt like an undisciplined child who didn't want to be told "NO".  I didn't have any real structure to my life, and I had been withdrawing from relationships around me a good bit.  Monday morning, I knew that things needed to change.  BUT, I had said that so many times, and I had failed to follow through so frequently, that I hesitated to even start another attempt to change.The definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results."  I was tired of the insanity, but what to do?

LOOKING FOR RESOURCES
So, I started thinking about practical pieces that needed to be in place to have a different outcome.  I remembered a video I had run across back at the beginning of the year.  I had heard about it through a friend of mine who is also a therapist.  She told me about one of her clients who had made some major changes in her life.  This was a person had been stuck for a long time, but within a fairly short time period, she grew a lot!  My friend was so impressed, that she asked her what she was doing.  The woman told her she was attending a year long life coaching program that was making all the difference. 

The program was developed by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, and here is a link to a video that explains the program and the four things that have to be present in order for real change to occur - Relationships, Information, Experience and Structure. After I watched this video, I watched another one about the Resistance Curve.  (I encourage you to watch both of these short videos if you are struggling with change, too.) I had a few of my own a-ha moments as I saw why I tend to slid back from success so many times.  Clearly, I needed to think about putting all four resources into place if I really wanted to move ahead in the future.

A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF SUCCESS
So, while I am deeply pondering these things, I watched the HBO series on obesity, The Weight of the Nation.  The series highlighted the incredible challenges that are ahead of us as a nation, and as individuals.  They presented the stories of many people, some who had stayed stuck with their health issues, and others who had found long-term solutions.

Why did some succeed at changing and others didn't?   How does one move from an unhealthy lifestyle to a healthy lifestyle - especially when it means giving up familiar patterns and comfort foods to take on new behaviors, new thinking and new ways of eating?  For many of the obese people they talked to, change seemed impossible.  But for others, they did change - for good!  What made the difference?

Without exception, the people who had managed to radically change their lifestyle had had all four of the components Henry Cloud said were necessary! They had a support group of some type that helped them stay on their program.  They were learning about their own health and the need to change.  They had to start doing new things and practicing those changes on a regular basis.  And, they had to have a structured plan for exercise and meal plans, as well as some measure of change that they could see.

Those who had all four were able to change.  Those who merely hoped or tried on their own met with failure after failure. Clearly, just wishing for change is not enough, but planning and implementing new choices with a support system available does make a difference!

PROCESSING WHAT I LEARNED
I am still processing what I need to do to put all the needed supports in place for true change.  Monday morning, though, I took a baby step.  I wrote down in my journal exactly what my rules would be for that day - not that week, not the entire month, or for a lifetime.  Some of the statements were: "I will stay on the Paleo Diet all day."  "I will only look at Facebook twice today."  "This morning, I will do 3 sets of 5 exercises, and only 20 reps of each one."  Things like that.

The next morning, I checked off the ones I had followed through on.  I found I had been more successful on Monday because I had written down specific goals and tasks that were doable.  Instead of taking on an entire lifetime, I just needed to be consistent one day at at time.

This is only one piece of the four that Henry mentioned.  I still have a ways to go on the others.  I still need a support structure of relationships around me.  I still need a plan for when I run into that Ridge of Resistance, but at least I have learned what the pieces are that I need to make a difference. If those people in the HBO series can find a way to make radical lifestyle changes, I probably can, too.  IF I am willing to set up the structures that support change.