These past 100 days have not been what I thought they would be. I had this vision of strategically figuring out what my goals would be. Then, I was going to address each one. I anticipated I would gain clarity of purpose, add new skills to my life and very consistently track my progress.
It didn't work out quite the way I planned, but it has certainly been a learning experience.
BEAUTY
First of all, I am glad I had the original plan to do some personal assessment. Probably the most valuable thing to come out of it all was to recognize what really matters to me - to name the BIG ROCKS. Once I wrote down each one, and why it was important, I found myself consistently evaluating the choices I was making in terms of those BIG ROCKS. For example, I acknowledged that Beauty mattered to me. My decision to spend several weeks working at the flower nursery can be directly tied back to my awareness of my values. Additionally, I have started taking art lessons - something I have wanted to do for a long time, but never got around to doing it. Another thing I did was to buy lots of materials for wrapping presents. I found a great discount place and purchased beautiful tissue papers, wrapping papers and ribbons. Now, I am prepared to create a beautiful gift instead of scrounging for old tissue paper and wrinkled ribbons. I don't think I would have thought to make preparations for beauty if I hadn't actually named it as an important value in my life.
HEALTH
Health was BIG ROCK #1. I was actually practicing a lot of good health practices when I started this one hundred days. The surprise came on May 5th, when I ended up in a hospital bed with my heart being monitored. That one event lead to an entire month of very disorienting medical questions. I didn't write about it at the time, but I was referred to a Nephrologist to assess whether I had kidney damage. For a month, I waited to get in to see the specialist - all the while wondering if I would have to make drastic changes in my life because of a chronic condition. This was very demoralizing for me. I had wanted to put my radiation recovery behind me and get back to being strong - then, this crazy event has me seeing a kidney specialist! The scepter of another major medical problem was a discouragement. I stopped writing on the blog about then, because I was so discouraged.
The good news is, I walked into the Nephrologist's office and he said "Why are you here? Your labs are great. I haven't seen labs this good in I don't know how long. Your kidneys can handle anything you throw at them." All of this raised the question as to why I was referred in the first place. I will probably be looking for a new GP.
Additionally, Anne and I have continued to work out weekly, and we are stronger than ever. Jim and I are signed up to run our first 5K in September - the COLOR RUN! We have been walking for 45 minutes every day at 5:45, and it has been such a blessing.
PURPOSE
In terms of PURPOSE, that has been a greater challenge. I had anticipated greater difficulty in getting clarity in this area. That's exactly what happened. Because I was more aware of it, I think it made the days of doing nothing much more painful. I felt like I was wasting one day after another. While I was totally sold on the Nuskin products, I did not have a driving desire to build a massive business. My heart just wasn't in it, but I needed to do something. The pain of my days in the desert of inactivity made me very hesitant to "put it out there" in a blog. I felt too confused by it all, and I was being really hard on myself.
Fortunately, I called the right person to get some perspective. My good friend, Tammy, and I got together for coffee and she told me a couple of stories that made a difference. One of the key phrases I came away with was "An artist has to paint. God has ceased speaking to you in words and will speak to you through the art." I was open to hearing that. As a result, I had a very vivid picture come to mind of how I was feeling about my prayers at the time. I was able to paint it:
PRAYER
I felt like my prayers were like single shots toward the heavens. I wasn't sure they were getting through. If felt like there was a lot of turmoil and resistance they had to pass through to make it all the way to the Heavenlies. I wasn't thrilled with what this said about my spiritual life, but seeing it on a canvas made me think more deeply about where I was spiritually. More on this later.
The other key piece Tammy shared with me was about an outplacement consultant who did testing for people to help them find the right job fit. I jumped on that! I called him that day, got the testing done quickly and got my report back yesterday. It was eye-opening, to say the least. I am still processing a lot of what came out on those tests, but I am so glad I spent the time and money to get some key bearings on my likes, dislikes, preferences and gifting. Maybe I will write more on that later, too. Suffice it to say, the BIG ROCK of Purpose is slightly more defined, but not as well as I had hoped.
So, I guess this post addresses three of the BIG ROCKS - Beauty, Health and Purpose.
Even though I took quite a break from blogging over the last six weeks, I plan to finish this! Another post is forthcoming. I am close to the end of the 100 days, but I am not there yet!
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